If you know me, I mean really know me, you know that I've never been THAT person. You know, the stable, put-together person who had her life mapped out by the time she was in high school. The girl who always knew exactly where her passions lay and what she wanted to do with her life. The girl who never dared stray from her neatly carved-out path or indulge even the greatest temptation to break free of her comfort zone.
In fact, I'm quite the polar opposite.
I'm the girl who, for some crazy reason, allows herself to be led freely by her passion of the moment; a girl who has always been afraid of limiting herself by making a choice and settling down. My interests vary widely and fluctuate on an almost daily basis. I'd like to believe that these are just the characteristics of the free-spirited artist that I am. Unfortunately (or fortunately, depending on how you look at it) for me, I'm also one of those hapless souls who earnestly believe that your interests should coincide with your professional career choice.
Ahh...silly, romantic optimist that I am.
I have realized that it would be folly not to embrace this very rare, albeit fleeting, moment in my life when I have the freedom to indulge my whims, no matter how foolish or varied they are. No children to distract me, no law firm to answer to...really, what excuse is there?
So, on that note...
This Tuesday, I started writing my first ever "real" short story. The idea for it came into my head as I lay in bed at night (for some reason, almost all my story ideas come to me as my head hits the pillow). I will share more details of my progress as the story comes along. Right now, I am only at 500 words; the hatching stage. The plot is still thickening in my head, the characters still developing...
I don't want to reveal too much, but I was inspired partly by all the recent mass shootings in this country. Most, if not all of these massacres, have been by male perpetrators. What drives a man, I wondered, to step outside of all known, acceptable boundaries to commit such a heinous act? The only word that kept coming into my head was "damaged." These men are damaged beyond all hope, all healing. What, in their unique histories, created these irreparably damaged souls?
I think the ability for men to be wounded so deeply is rarely discussed. It's acceptable for a women to admit fear, utter despair and loneliness, but what about the men who have lost all hope? The men who live in a squalor of self-hate and stark loneliness? The media tends to concentrate on the violent nature of the acts themselves, sensationalizing their "violent, crazed" nature." I think it's important to explore the humanity behind the monster (don't interpret my sentiments as approval. I definitely find these acts abominable, but I think it's also important to discover why they happen).
On a totally different note...
Today, I emailed an event planning business in town to ask about any possible freelance positions. As I sit here in front of my computer for countless hours in a day, I realize that no matter how much I LOVE to write, I can't be shackled to a desk all day long. It is actually driving me a bit crazy.
But, why event planning?
Unlike the majority of sane people who see the planning portion as a necessary evil to get to the final destination (think wedding, dream vacation, etc), I have always relished the many intricate steps leading up to the final event, as much as the final event itself. I'm the most creative and the most productive in the intense moments of mapping out the details that culminate in a final product/event.
Crazy person that I am, I embraced the opportunity to plan every detail of my own wedding and even found myself a little disappointed when all the stress and sleepless nights were over. Instead of looking at the planning for our month long trip to S. America as a monstrous chore to tackle, I enjoyed every detail-oriented moment of it. I am proud to say that I planned every detail of our lengthy trip (which included nine flights within 26 days) without the aid of any travel agent or tour company.
I'm proud of myself for putting myself out there and emailing this company, but I'm highly doubtful I'll be receiving a reply from them anytime soon. I'm sure that event-planning businesses aren't exactly thriving in this crazy market.
So, anyhoo, I'm letting my whims blow me whichever direction they desire...for now. I'm taking the advice of my very awesome, wise friend who recently told me, "look at this time with joy as a place of discovery."
Of course...how could I have ever thought there was any other option?
8 years ago